The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
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