i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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