Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
