What did we do last night that was yellow?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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