We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
