Moan for me like Helen Keller
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
