Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
