I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
