does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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