How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
