I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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