I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
We have started to decorate penises.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
