somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
