My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
