rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
