marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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