nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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