i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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