Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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