Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
