Your face is a jimmy john
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
