You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
True strength comes from lack of pants
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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