If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
