My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
