no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
