You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
You are the jesus of drinking
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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