I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
