I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
