Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
