He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
