I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
