God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
