Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Randomize
