Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
