Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
We're too hungover to prance.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
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