he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
