yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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