Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Randomize
