let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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