Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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