If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
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