They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
