Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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