I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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