Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
