I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
