Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
