Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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