4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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