Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
